The worst thing anyone with spiritual eyes could see is a man or woman with a chain around their ankle, and dragging a cart full of baggage through their front door. I’ve heard this story at least a thousand times, “ I was abused by my boy friend or husband in my last relationship or marriage.” There are different forms of abuse; you have physical, verbal, and mental abuse. I, as a man have experienced verbal and mental abuse by someone I have loved. And I can tell you there’s no easy way around the feelings you have hidden inside you. As a child I was abused verbally and mentally, but the person doing the abusing never knew they were doing this. There was never an issue of abuse in those days, and no one really talked about it, or they just did not make a lot out of it. When I got married I took that same abuse into the marriage, but my wife at that time did not understand why I acted the way I did. It wasn’t until I related my child hood to her, and she told me, I had been suffering from the abuse from my child hood. I started having therapy sessions, and those sessions really helped me. So, I know about abuse, and what affects they can have on you later in life. Most of the time you will not even be aware that you have this baggage, and for some people they think they have already gotten over it, and begin a new relationship. But there are those who know they are carrying baggage before they even get into the next relationship. I realized I was still carrying baggage when I noticed that I had a mistrust of women. I would find it hard to believe most of what a woman would tell me, if she did not answer her phone when I called, I immediately assumed she was either out with a man or had a man over, and did not want to answer her phone. If she was not at home when I thought she should be, that baggage compartment in my head would open up with all the answers I needed. Now you can see, that men carry baggage as well as women. We all have a problem of getting over bad relationships or marriages, and trusting the next person who wants to become part our lives. What was done to us was not good, and it does leave a bad taste in your mouth, but it would not be fair to bring this hurt and pain into a new relationship. One thing you must remember, this new person is not the same person who abused you, and you must pray and ask God to give you guidance. I know it want be easy for many people to go on with their lives, because some have been hurt more than others have.
Many women have suffered physical abuse by the hand of their boy friends or husbands, and some of them have been hurt mentally because of this. But with any kind of abuse it will take much time and counseling to undo the damage that’s been done. And you are going to learn that ninety percent of the time the person who’s doing the abusing most likely have been abused themselves. Abused leaves a scar on the mind, and not everyone gets over abuse completely, but with good spiritual counseling and guidance they can maintain a very productive relationship or marriage in the future. Old baggage puts a strain on a new relationship, and it leaves the new person wondering; what in the world is going on here? The real question is, what’s going on in the head of the abused person. I can only relate to myself, and a few whom I have known to answer this question. In the mind of the abused person there is this little tape recorder playing, and it has recorded all the terrible things that’s been done to that person. That tape recorder keeps a record of all the negative things that’s been spoken or done in that person’s life. Mental abuse is like a form of brain washing, when one person convinces another person of something that is false, especially when it is something that can harm that person's ability to make correct choices for themselves. For example, a woman being told by her husband that she is fat and unattractive, and no one else could possibly want her. Repeated remarks like this would start the individual to believing what is untrue. And in other instances, a woman can be told that she never does anything right, and over a period of being told this, she starts to believe this lie. The hidden problem of mental abuse is to simply control another. Who’s in controls? Who will answers to whom? Who does what under whose authority? Fear, Manipulation, and Power these are feelings which are all too familiar to those who are either mentally abusing others, or being abused mentally themselves.
When these people try to enter into another relationship, what they’ve come to believe spills out into that new relationship. And because of this, these people are in and out of failed relationships, or they never try to start a new one. Abuse creates low self-esteem in most individuals, it can affect men, but I believe women suffer more with this type of emotional condition than men. The best thing an individual can do is seek Christian counseling to help them deal with the after affects of abuse. You can start by checking with your church to see if they offer any programs that assist with counseling for abuse victims. And you can also check with other churches about counseling for the abused; they may charge you a small fee for the services, due to the fact you are not a member of that church.
Let me tell you about a young boy whom members of his own family abused. You can read about this boy in Genesis chapters 37-50. This young boy’s name was Joseph, and Joseph had twelve brothers. Some of his brothers hated him because he was their father’s favorite, so they would always mistreat Joseph. Joseph’s very own brothers threw him down into a well so he would die, but later took him out of the well, and sold him as a slave. Joseph was taken to Egypt where he served as a slave, but later he was falsely accused of a crime and thrown into prison. Joseph never blamed his brothers are held contempt for them, instead, he held true to his faith in God, and did not let his treatment of his brothers or his present situation affect his mental outlook. Anyone who has ever read the story of Joseph and his brothers know that Joseph was made Governor over Egypt, and he saw his brothers again after many years of them thinking he was dead. But when Joseph saw them he did not reach into that baggage compartment in his head, and start remembering the ill treatment of him by his brothers. What does the scripture say he did? Genesis 43:30, And Joseph made haste; for his heart yearned over his brother: and he sought where to weep; and he entered into his chamber, and wept there. None of us are Joseph, but we can try to take on an attitude like that of him. Joseph kept his faith in God, and held true in what he believed. We are not Joseph, but we can be like him, by trusting, and keeping faith in God. Many people have read the story of Joseph, but failed to see the harsh reality of the physical, verbal, and mental abuse of this young man. If you can’t afford counseling, then turn your heart and mind over to Jesus who is our greatest physician. For Christ himself said, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28. If you have been in an abusive relationship or marriage, and you are now in a new relationship, try self-examination and see if you are carrying any old baggage. 1. Do you find yourself always needing to know what that person thinks of you? 2. Do you find yourself trying to justify your weight or looks to that other person? 3. Are you heavily suspicious when that other person does not call? 4. Do you start to argue about a simple statement that other person made? 5. Do you find yourself implying to that person that they are lying about where they were? 6. Do you find yourself thinking that everything this person tells you is a lie? 7. Do you find yourself always questioning this person’s feelings, attraction, or love for you? 8. Do you become enraged, because this person jokingly said they would put a hurt on your body? Are you always feeling self- conscience about how you speak, eat, dress, laugh, and act around this person? If you can answer yes to one or more of these signs, you may be carrying old baggage behind you. If your new partner has been trying to talk to you about your behavior, try to listen to him or her, and seek some kind of counseling for the past abuse in your life. And remember to trust God to help you receive the healing you need in your life. For the Lord has said, “to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke, and The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.” Isaiah 58:6 and Psalms 9:9-10.